Dearest Guy I Sleep Next To,

Today marks three years we’ve been legally joined at the hip. Three years where I’ve been legally bound to pick up the dirty socks you leave wherever you want and have taught Niki to do as well. I’ve had to listen to you talk about all-things-nerdy and usually having no clue what you’re talking about. Cooking the food you enjoy and then listening to you complain about how you need to lose weight. Make up your mind. Yummy food for your tummy or an all veggie diet! And what about the two insane cats that you insisted on bring home? The same ones that do a number on my anxiety ON A REGULAR BASIS!

I can go on, but why? You already know about all the things I put up with just to be with you. I especially enjoy when I finally get the chance to talk to you and after just ten minutes you’d fall asleep. I feel so special.

Not that I’m all that innocent myself. You’ve had to put up with my bitching and nagging. My almost-monthly breakdowns. Always listening to me say things like “Spend time with me…” and “I’m so pathetic. I need more friends!” without telling me to SHUT THE FUCK UP, WOMAN! YOU ANNOY ME! And I’m sure your list of my craziness is super long even though you refuse to admit to it.

I love that about you. How you are capable of making me believe, even if only for a moment, that I can do nothing wrong in your eyes.

I love how we would be talking then suddenly you have to tell me about something nerdy totally unrelated. I love and hate how you work so much and refuse to allow me any time so I could work. The way you get excited about a new project or idea you’ve got going. How absolutely gorgeous you are in all your geeky glory.

Three years ago we vowed “…’til death do us part or something equally as tragic…” like one of us gaining a few hundred extra pounds. Or sex becomes non-existent. Because you and I both know we can’t live with stuff like that. Events like those call for only two options: death or divorce. We’ve made it three years without having to make that choice.

Can you believe it?

And I know you just love how I air our dirty laundry on the internet for the whole world to see. Don’t worry, I won’t stop.

I want you to know something and it’s very VERY important: I love you more than heart-shaped pb&j.

Happy Anniversary, Love!

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