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auayan.com » 2007 » September

Archive for September, 2007

You’re so crazy

A Letter to Lorelai (11 months old):

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My Little Sweetheart,

When Daddy and I look at you, we forget that you are 11 months old. You’re already a little toddler exploring your surroundings. You’re not afraid to check things out and seem to want to take everything in. I can’t believe my eyes when I see you walking around as if you’ve been doing it forever.

The past month you’ve been doing the craziest things. I don’t know why, but you like to bump your head lightly over and over on things. The door, the underside of the table, the sliding glass door, MY FACE! Basically, anything you want. That’s fine, and even somewhat cute, but please don’t do it too hard. I don’t enjoy the bruises you get from doing so. Especially when I start to fear a visit from CPS because a “concerned neighbor” called believing that we hit you on the head with whatever was in sight at the time. That will not happen until you are at least ten. So you are safe for another 9 years. Geez.

You try to mimic words that Daddy and I say. Sometimes I swear you are really saying them. Some of your (and my) favorites are “uh oh!” with the ‘o’ face held afterward, “baby”, “heyyyy!!” and (while clapping) “yayyy!”. I just love the way you sound when you are saying these things. Did you know that you even pretend to be a little monster? You walk around making monster sounds. Just thinking about it I can hear your little “rarrr” and the cute faces that come with it.

Circles. I can’t believe it, but you love to turn in circles. Circles going forward, and going backward. You’re not even a 1 year old yet and you’re already doing it like a pro. You have the cutest little smile on your face when you do this. Sometimes you even do it so much that you get dizzy and fall down afterwards. Then your adorable little laugh escapes you and I just want to pick you up and squeeze you so tight.

You love to play. Your big sister is your favorite when it comes to playing, but if she’s not attentive enough, you come looking for someone else. That someone is usually me and you won’t stop bugging me until I pick you up and start tickling you, make funny faces, or throw a small blanket or shirt over your head again and again.

Just last night you sat in the kitchen with your sister’s pink shorts and tried over and over again to put it on your head. I caught you doing it and decided to help you the first time. Then you got up, walked around laughing, pulled it off and then went back to trying to put it on your head again. Can you guess what happened? After your persistence, you did it! You got the shorts on your head, got up again, and started walking around all happy and proud. Daddy and I couldn’t help but smile and clap.

Unfortunately, for me, not everything you do is a happy time for me. Your naps have become far and few. This means I have to put aside all my chores and duties to do your every wish. This would include laying down on the living room floor so you could use me as a pillow or face to poke, or sitting there while you run around doing whatever you feel like doing. If I get up and try to do some work, you get upset and throw a fit until I return to my position in the living room. Half the time you don’t even play with me or anything, but I’m not allowed to move. I’m not sure I’m in a hurry to see how you will be when you get to your sister’s age. Or older!

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My Little Monster

A Letter to Nikisha (5 years 2 months):

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My Little Monster,

Yes Sweetheart, you read that right. I called you a monster, because that is what you are 2/3 of the day. That doesn’t stop me from loving every ounce of your little being. I can’t even begin to describe the emotions I’ve felt throughout the years because of you.

You’ve given me life and a reason to reach for the stars. Your crazy little quirks remind me why you are so awesome. You are so freaking smart that sometimes I don’t know what to do with you.

When you are not happy with Mommy or Daddy, you let it be known. Recently you drew a picture and said it meant “No Daddy Allowed” because you were mad at him for getting mad at you. I think it might have hurt Daddy’s feelings a little, but it was cute. I like how you draw pictures to express how you are feeling at the time even if sometimes they have sad or crying faces.

I’m trying to understand why you do things backwards. When you write your name, you write it backwards from right to left. You could read it perfectly fine… if you hold it up to the mirror. I asked you what time it was the other day only to find out that you read the numbers backwards. It wasn’t as late as I thought and I was already rushing you to get ready for bed. I’m going to take it as a sign of ingenious behavior. Maybe you’ll be a little Einstein.

You started school earlier this month. What a big girl you were. No tears on your first day, only excitement. You even got upset when I picked you up afterwards because you wanted to ride the bus. You seem to enjoy riding the bus to and from school. You’ve already received a Sparkle ticket and then won the Sparkle Award all in the same week. Most of your homework is a piece of cake for you, probably because you have the best teacher ever at home. Your Daddy. You now know how to write your whole first name, but for some reason you always put a “I <3 U” at the end. I’m not complaining, though, it’s cute.

That day you insisted on going to school even though you threw up just minutes before we had to leave the apartment was amazing to me. If I had been in your situation, I would have stayed home.

Nik, you have a constant stream of amazing things flowing from you. Even though you can drive me crazy with little effort, you amaze me even more.

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My Little Monster

A Letter to Nikisha (5 years 2 months):

faces.jpg

My Little Monster,

Yes Sweetheart, you read that right. I called you a monster, because that is what you are 2/3 of the day. That doesn’t stop me from loving every ounce of your little being. I can’t even begin to describe the emotions I’ve felt throughout the years because of you.

You’ve given me life and a reason to reach for the stars. Your crazy little quirks remind me why you are so awesome. You are so freaking smart that sometimes I don’t know what to do with you.

When you are not happy with Mommy or Daddy, you let it be known. Recently you drew a picture and said it meant “No Daddy Allowed” because you were mad at him for getting mad at you. I think it might have hurt Daddy’s feelings a little, but it was cute. I like how you draw pictures to express how you are feeling at the time even if sometimes they have sad or crying faces.

I’m trying to understand why you do things backwards. When you write your name, you write it backwards from right to left. You could read it perfectly fine… if you hold it up to the mirror. I asked you what time it was the other day only to find out that you read the numbers backwards. It wasn’t as late as I thought and I was already rushing you to get ready for bed. I’m going to take it as a sign of ingenious behavior. Maybe you’ll be a little Einstein.

You started school earlier this month. What a big girl you were. No tears on your first day, only excitement. You even got upset when I picked you up afterwards because you wanted to ride the bus. You seem to enjoy riding the bus to and from school. You’ve already received a Sparkle ticket and then won the Sparkle Award all in the same week. Most of your homework is a piece of cake for you, probably because you have the best teacher ever at home. Your Daddy. You now know how to write your whole first name, but for some reason you always put a “I <3 U” at the end. I’m not complaining, though, it’s cute.

That day you insisted on going to school even though you threw up just minutes before we had to leave the apartment was amazing to me. If I had been in your situation, I would have stayed home.

Nik, you have a constant stream of amazing things flowing from you. Even though you can drive me crazy with little effort, you amaze me even more.

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take me away

i am dead. faded into background noise. i can’t can’t breathe without him. what do you do when you know you’ve lost the most precious thing to you, and you know you’ll never get him back. i try to tell myself it’ll be okay, but it never is. the love of a lifetime, gone in a single blink. and the worse part is, he wants nothing to do with me, and i deserve it. i never meant to hurt him the way i did. i will never be able to forgive myself. i would do anything to be able to hold him again, a single kiss. memories of us pour on me, and shower me with tears. does he miss me as much as i miss him? or have i already been forgotten.  he acts as if nothing ever happend, i can’t stand it. last words i’ve heard from him is.. “don’t contact me anymore”. and oh god, it’s the worst feeling in the world comming from the only one you will ever truely love. i just don’t understand. why didn’t he fucking fight for me, why didn’t he want me, why is he gone.. .? prolly cause i’m just a fuck up, i can never do anything right. lazy and selfish, that’s what he said.. .. everytime i look away, i shed a tear. every moment i get for myself i can’t help but breakdown. i miss him, so much. i won’t be able to live without him. someone.. help me please..

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Storm Trooper

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This morning Nikisha woke up with a tummy ache. I asked her if it was because she was hungry. She said it was, so I gave her some cereal and milk. When she finished, I had her brush her teeth. She did, but just as I was telling her to get dressed, she quickly put her hands to her mouth and said “Mommy. I need to blow up!”.

She rushed to the restroom, closed the door and threw up. When she is finished, I had her wash out her mouth. I told her that she didn’t have to go to school if she’s sick and that she can stay home with her sister and me. She shook her head side-to-side and said she didn’t want to stay home. She wanted to go to school.

She said something along the lines of “I blow up three times. Then four didn’t come. I’m better now” and it was so darn cute I had to laugh a little.

She got dressed and we headed out to the bus stop. It was sprinkling and there was a light fog, so when we got to the bus stop, I asked Nik if it was okay for mommy and baby to go stand in front of the office where the rain won’t get us. At first she was scared, but I told her that I’ll be right where she can see me and I’ll be watching until she gets on the bus and it leaves. She agreed to it and gave me a big hug and kiss. I stood at the office watching as the bus arrived, the line started moving, and Nik timidly made her way to it. Since she was small and slightly scared, everyone kept passing her, but overall she did great.

She made it through the 3.5 hours she was gone without having to throw up again. She got home and couldn’t wait to tell me the new rhyme she learned in school.

“C is for cow. C is for cat. C is for caterpillar.. on my hat!”

I’m so proud of my little trooper.

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Good things for good people

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  • Cross-Stitching #
  • Excited for Mom #
  • ok. the sore throat is finally hitting. #
  • tummy ache :’( #

Mom called today to tell me about her great news. She got a whole bunch of really nice things for her house for free. All she needs to do is the labor to get them out and bring them home. She spoke of a hot tub, cabinets, a glass chandelier, sinks, toilets and so much more. I’m so freaking excited for her. I wish I was there to help her. I can’t wait to see the finished product.

She’s been through so many battles lately, physically and emotionally. It hurts me to see her that way because she’s such an awesome person. She, of all people, doesn’t deserve all the pain she endures regularly.

Deep inside my heart I hope that things change for the better for her. I wish those around her would open their eyes and see that she only wants good things for them. If only they would listen to her words of wisdom and do what’s right for themselves and those they influence daily. She doesn’t say the things she does just to be mean. She says them because she worries the wrong path is being paved and followed. She says them because she cares and only wants the truth to be known, even if it hurts.

I wish people would stop thinking only of themselves and start thinking about others. Stop and think about what their actions and words are doing to those that see and hear them.

Mom: don’t stop trying to make things better in this world, but please don’t let it destroy you. You are only one person and can only do so much before it’s fatal. Do know that Dave and I love you and hate to see you hurt for such awful reasons. Remember that, even though we’re farther away, we’ll always be here for you. Even if it is only in thought and verbal comfort.

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A happy surprise

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  • Shopping while waiting for Dave. #
  • Wonky internet. #

Dave took the day off yesterday because he had another dentist appointment. He got to walk Niki to the bus in the morning for the first time. After that, I dropped him off. Maeby and I went shopping for things we needed, plus a few things we didn’t need but couldn’t pass up.

As an added surprise, Dave went with Maeby and I to wait for Niki at the bus stop after school. She had two stickers on her shirt for a job well done. I’m so proud of her. Then, we went out for Johnny Rocket burgers at lunchtime. Niki also got a strawberry-banana milkshake.

I think she was so happy for all the little surprises she got.

I can’t wait for her school pictures and the scholastic books we ordered to come in. I’m so excited.

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Our quick vacuum story.

I needed the vacuum to get the air out of the space tote. Since I had it out already, I decided to do a quick vacuum run around the apartment. As soon as I turned it on, Maeby started crying and ran straight for me. I guess she thought she could hide behind my legs from the scary loud thing.

I continued to vacuum and everywhere I went, she followed. Sometimes she’d end up in front of it or even stepping on it. It was so cute because she was so scared of it, but instead of running far away from it, she tried to stay by me. Which is everywhere the vacuum went too.

I don’t know. If you could have only seen it. It would have been so much cuter than I described it.

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The END is near…

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

and we must all go.

  • trying to get mandy to come over #
  • Going Pro #
  • Time to get Nik already?! #
  • leftover pizza for lunch… and possibly dinner. omg *dies* #

I’ve been trying to get Mandy to come over and stay a while. Maybe she’ll like it here and decide to move in with us. Tried tempting her with The End but it doesn’t seem to be enough. I know she’d love it out here. She could probably find a better job out here than over there. There are also really good schools out here, or so I’ve been told. Someone even told me there is an awesome art school she could go to. Plus, we could go to shows together. I really would like to go to some with her. We’d both have an awesome time.

I guess I could just keep trying. At least until I give up.

Anyway, I upgraded my Flickr account to Pro. The free account was holding me back. Now, the possibilities are endless. Okay, so I’m exaggerating, but still, this will be so much better.

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Made for walking

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